The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
