We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The air taste purple.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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