Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just high enough for therapy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
