I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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