i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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