seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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