this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
