When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
