And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
