11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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