He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
