It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
