I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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