I heard we made out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
