This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The uberlube is also flammable
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
