I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
