Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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