i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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