I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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