i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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