someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Green mimosas i think yes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
