My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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