i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
