My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
