yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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