God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
