trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
