The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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