it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
