Kiss
Puke
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Less talking, more tequila
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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