it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
