I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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