p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
