he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
