You work out of a Hotel?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
