just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
