umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
