i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
