let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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