I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're a disaster
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