Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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