But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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