plz talk dirty to me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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