I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
