I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
