Where is the hickey?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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