He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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