you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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