im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
