I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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